Fourth grade was a really hard year for me. I went to a small private school where our group of kids had been together since kindergarten. The main factor that changed each year was the teacher. I remember being fairly miserable in fourth grade, mostly because of the teacher. I was shy, spoke softly, and reserved. I don’t remember having a lot of friends in that small group of kids - I often felt out of place there. It had taken me longer to learn how to read and it felt like I would never be able to fit in academically or socially. The teacher did not help. When she would stand outside the classroom and demand that I talk loud enough so that she could hear me I would fantasize about growing up to write a book about what an awful teacher she was. In fourth grade that was my idea of revenge. At some point this morning - between getting off zoom with a fourth-grade student and getting my own girls started on their homeschooling work - I had a brief flashback to that teacher.
Our relationships with our teachers matter
When my fourth-grade teacher would stand outside the classroom and demand that I talk loud enough so that she could hear me I would fantasize about growing up to write a book about what an awful teacher she was. In fourth grade that was my idea of revenge.
The flashback then led to a series of revelations. The first is that I have flashbacks of that teacher more than I realize. So much of what I think about learning, about myself, about my skills are wrapped up in my memories of that year. So much that I don’t even realize it until I caught the passing flashback and examined it. As an educator myself this is striking. One bad year more than 20 years ago and it still influences me. Obviously, I survived. My parents moved me to the public school where I learned that I wasn’t so dumb or shy after all. I remember my three fifth-grade teachers very clearly because all three seemed to actually appreciate me.
My second realization came with a smile. So I didn’t seek revenge by writing a book about how terrible my fourth-grade teacher was. Instead, I co-authored a book helping other teachers understand the power of relationships in how students learn and how essential social-emotional learning is to academic learning. It suddenly dawned on me that I achieved my fourth-grade goal with a more positive spin on it. Instead of calling the teacher out, hopefully, my co-author and I are helping teachers actively not be my fourth-grade teacher.
Of course, another realization was that I was lucky. I had parents who created a strong loving environment at home and were able to switch me to another school. I was able to learn that school did not mean feeling dumb and out of place every single day. But what about kids who don’t have support at home? Who helps them rebuild?
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Once again I am reminded of the importance of building on our relationships with students and creating safe learning environments. This is true for all students in every school setting - public or private. When my co-author and I talk about social-emotional learning or SEL we are not just talking about the students learning specific skills or ideas. We are talking about the entire culture and climate in the school, the learning environment, the relationships students and teachers have with each other, and how even academic lessons are taught. These pieces matter. Maybe now more than ever.