If I could offer one recommendation to any parent or teacher of any child it would be to just pause and wait. Take a deep breath… count to 5… and wait.
Why?
-Wait-
The one thing I can do that makes the most difference - is to increase my wait time. This is really just a fancy way of saying - slow down and talk less. Give them time.
I’ve worked with many children over the years with a vast array of abilities and neurodiverse needs and for each of them (including my own) and the greatest accommodation or support I can give them - the one thing I can do that makes the most difference - is to increase my wait time. This is really just a fancy way of saying - slow down and talk less.
As adults - whether we are teachers or parents - we always want to jump in and do something. Whether we want to fill an uncomfortable silence by repeating our questions, asking the question in a different way, providing the answer, or doing an action for the child, we constantly feel the need to keep the momentum going. But our instinct to jump in and say something is often more about our needs as the adult than the needs of the child.
Sometimes our children need more time to understand what we said. They need time to process the oral directions and find the words to respond back to us. Other times they need time for motor planning or figuring out how to get from one side of the room to the other. Sometimes children just need more time to think. When we restate or repeat our directions we disrupt the child’s processing of our first statement. Now the child has to process what we said the first time AND the second time.
Perhaps the most important aspect of this support strategy of providing this additional time between asking a question and following up is that we give the child the gift of our time. We show that we believe they know the answer and we are willing to wait while they find it. This silence communicates both our high expectations of them as well as their importance to us - we have the time to sit here with them and wait.
Although this is one of the simplest interventions we can put into place it can feel difficult. I often find myself biting my lip or counting silently in my head to keep myself from immediately redirecting a child who is taking extra thinking time. Yet as you begin to provide children with this time you begin to notice their non-verbal signals that show they are thinking. Their eyes may look up towards the ceiling, mouth may twist slightly, they may lean closer to the task at hand. These subtle cues let us know that the child is engaged in the task and actively processing it rather than ignoring us. As you become better at recognizing these engaged nonverbal cues you will also notice the reverse - as you see signs of frustration or disengagement you can restate or offer a prompt that will provide support and encourage re-enagement.
It seems so simple - increasing our wait time - saying less - and then waiting patiently with the child. Yet this simple strategy can decrease anxiety and increase engagement and a child’s responsiveness.